I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
