I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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