I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
