Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
