DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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