she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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