Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
