Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
