The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
