there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
