pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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