i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
