we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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