I'm lost and stupid without you.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
