dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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