3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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