the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
