Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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