I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
