happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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