What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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