cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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