I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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