Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
