No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
