I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
