then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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