I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
