When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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