I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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