had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
