Already got asked if we're dating
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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