I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
