Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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