Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
