We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
