2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize
