Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
