So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
