is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
