I just threw up on my dentist
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
