My friends, they love my intelligence
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
