i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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