I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
