Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
