i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
