I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
