yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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