if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
