Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
