Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
